Long Time, No Blog!

So, I was just perusing my old blogs, and realized that this one was pathetically and shamefully out-of-date. This really surprises me, because it seems like I always have something to say, but apparently, I didn't feel like voicing on here for quite some time. You'll have to believe me that this wasn't intentional, and that college can make gigantic chunks of time disappear as quickly as pie in front of a rather obese child.

I'm not really sure where to begin, so I suppose I'll go chronologically. The year has been pretty good so far. I'm more than halfway into my first semester, and my grades are decent and the classes are interesting. I'm a mentor for thirteen freshman that I love more than peanut butter (and seriously, I love peanut butter more than life sometimes, so that's a huge statement), and things at my sorority house are going well.

I had a boyfriend for a couple months, but we just recently broke up. No worries, though, we're still friends. The whole dating thing just didn't work with us, and I guess we split in the most mature way possible, although immature things are always said and feelings get a little bit hurt. I'm still really happy with the outcome.

I may or may not be interested in someone new. I'd say it's 50/50, but that's just because I'm being coy right now and taking my time, although I am falling more than a little bit for someone who is insanely impressive, and may read this blog, which will result in my inevitable embarrassment, but I suppose I'll have to deal.

I'm working on getting an independent study set up right now where I'll be writing a novella over Winter Term about my experiences in high school theatre, and I'm more than positive that I'll be writing about it on here, so look forward to that, I guess.

More and more I've decided that my life is more interesting as an open book, because I've got a lot of great stories, so the bigger works that I'm planning on putting out over the next few years will all probably draw really closely from my own life and experiences. If you're someone I know, you're at risk of being put in my writing, so just a little warning right now. I'm always writing and always watching, and if you're not already in something I've written, don't worry, it's only a matter of time. I only have so many hours in the day, of course.

It's Halloween of course, which is always fun, and I suppose that means I'll be going out to some party or another, although I probably shouldn't because I need my rest, but that seems trivial compared to the fun I could have going out. It's all up in the air right now, however. It kind of depends on what I can get done between now and the time of the party.

More than anything I'm doing in school, I'm really getting into writing. I'm receiving more and more positive feedback on it, and it's as easy to me as blinking, so it's just really gratifying to know that I have something so natural that people see as a real talent. It makes me feel like a million bucks.

Well, I'm off to write in other venues, but I thought I'd stop by, and hopefully I'll be updating this more in the future!

Check this song out: "This is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Always a good listen, and so appropriate for this day, so yeah, listen or feel sorry that you didn't!

Mid-College Crisis: Making the Change

All through freshman year, I saw many people around me changing their minds. Deciding and re-deciding what they wanted to do for their major. For some reason, I was convinced this would never happen to me. I've wanted to go into music education since my sophomore year of high school. It's what I was meant to do. So why were things not feeling right?

In the meanwhile, I spent my summer doing things that I just loved to do, but nothing that I thought could pertain to a major. I started working on my music blog 52 bands, did some event promotion jobs, and recently got a job as a campus representative for a music website. (That I'll share more about later). Slowly but surely, I realized that I've always been interested in the music business, and hmm, maybe I could major in that instead of education.

A few days ago, I sent an email to my current advisor about switching majors, and if it was doable, and she said yes, so I'm well on my way to switching to a music business major. This means taking Econ classes instead of music ed classes, and having more control over the specific track I want to take. At this point, I'm thinking that broadcasting is pretty appealing, and also I'm crazy about promotions and marketing, but I'll have a little bit of time to decide exactly where I go.

Outside of that, things have just been really great. I am still having a hard time believing that 8 days from now, I'll be at school again, but I'm way excited to be there nonetheless. It looks like the end of my summer is going to be a really great end, spent with awesome friends and shopping and what have you. Yes, I will have to take my car in for emissions, but it's a small price to pay for some back-to-school clothes.

Check this song out: "Somethin' Else" by Eddie Cochran. I picked this song for one lyric: "When it all comes together, man/Wow, it's somethin' else." That's all I really have to say about it. I love this song. Yay rockabilly!

One Of Those Jump Up And Down Days

Alright, so I'm honestly having a perfect day. I mean, okay, nothing was even spectacular about this day individually, but as a whole, I just had the best vibe today, so I just wanted to gush about it via blog.

I wake up in the morning, well okay, it's almost noon. Yay summer, I'm totally taking advantage of sleeping in until I can't anymore. So I'm about half-awake, stumbling onto my computer, I check my email, and I've gotten the coolest email ever from my Channel Editor at the new blog I've been writing on for about a month! (www.52bands.com ...........::ahem::) Anyway, it's this email that he sent to what seems like the manager of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (CYHSY to us who love them so), and he wants me to get an interview with one of the band members! Me! I couldn't believe it, and I'm a little daunted by this potential task, but wow, I really think that would just make my life if I could do something like that. CYHSY is the artist I'm featuring on the blog this week, by the way. So yeah, basically my morning started out with the most amazing email of my lifetime.

Continuing with my day, I just got to lounge around, listen to good music, and surf the 'web until about 2ish, when we went to get new phones. That was actually a pain in the ass, and we ended up back hom sans phones because we were missing my dad's info. It looked like we weren't going to have luck on that front today.

I had my mom take me home, then drove to Atlanta Bread to web it up there, and while I was there, my mom stopped by and took my cell phone from me. Translation: A new Motorola Razr for my calling pleasure! It's MAGENTA! I really love it, it's sad but I do. The first thing I did with it is download "Folsom Prison Blues" to use as a ringtone. It's honestly more than sweet.

I get out of Atlanta Bread, well-fed and new-phoned, and I drive down to Milwaukee to see my friends play in their punk band. I only stayed for them because I was feeling a little tired, but they did a great job tonight. Everything came together and except for a little mix-up on the very last song, it was really tight and just awesome. It's the last show I'm going to get to see before leaving for Indiana, so it was a great sendoff. I said bye to my friends and got in my car home.

I drove home, talked to a couple people on my new phone, putzed around until, well, about now, and I've just had a really pleasant night. I have good plans for later in the week with fun friends, and the guys in the band, who are basically my closest friends here, also asked me to call and see them a few times before I leave. These last few moments are just going to be sweet, I know it.

So I'm sitting here right now, and feeling on top of the world, but I know that it's going to get so much bigger than that, and in a few days, I could be on top of some galaxy. I'm just overjoyed, and I'm hoping that other people out there are feeling just as awesome, cuz wow, life is great.

Check this song out: "The Frug" by Rilo Kiley. I heard it on a walk yesterday and remembered how much I loved it. It's not really the best "Everything is Amazing" song, but deal.

Well, okay, I need to end with lyrics from a cover my friends did tonight, because I loved it so much, and it's my favorite song they do. Here ya go...

The night we met I knew I needed you so

And if I had the chance I'd never let you go

So won't you say you love me, I'll make you so proud of me

We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go

So won't you, please, BE MY BE MY

Be my little baby

Say you'll be my darlin'

Be my baby now Wha-oh-oh-oh

I'll make you happy, baby, just wait and see

For every kiss you give me I'll give you three

Oh, since the day I saw youI have been waiting for you

You know I will adore you 'til eternity

So won't you, please, BE MY BE MY

Be my little baby

Say you'll be my darlin'

Be my baby now Wha-oh-oh-oh

My New Blog!!

Not saying that I don't love this blog, but I wanted to tell everyone about my amazing new blog, featuring a new music artist every week!

Go here: http://www.52bands.com

It's going to be an amazing adventure for me! I don't have much to say right now, because it's crazy late, but soon I'll have a tiny bit of a personal update.

There's A Fine, Fine Line

Lately I've been thinking about how many chances I've missed. How many opportunities have passed me by, and all because I didn't see them when they presented themselves. I know I tell myself that I live life with no regrets, but when I look back on things that might have been, it makes that mantra a little bit harder to stand by.

Just recently I had someone that I was interested in tell me that they felt the same way I did at the exact same time I did. Now, I still have a smidgen of feelings for this individual, but sadly, he does not reciprocate any longer. Needless to say, I've been driven mad thinking about what could have happened had I just been honest, opened my mouth, and confessed my feelings long ago. Alas, this is something that has flown by me, never to return, and it's something I know I have to deal with but simply don't want to.

Simultaneously, I'm getting the feeling that there is an opportunity open to me right now that I can take advantage of, but how doubt is driving me to bite my tongue. How do I know for sure that this is a good situation? How do I know that this person feels the same way I do, or that this is something I truly want? I'm not really one to go with my gut on anything, which may sound like a good thing, but instead, I think everything to the point of extinction. This has proven completely fatal when it comes to relationships. I have lost many a man while in the grips of indecision.

If you're a guy out there, and you come in contact with me, and by some stroke of luck find me attractive, appealing, interesting, whatever, please, for the love of God, give me time to figure myself out. I have lost too many people because they thought I wasn't interested, so I'm telling you right now, it may seem like I'm not into you by what I'm saying or doing, but if I'm spending lots of time with you, chances are good that I'm acclimating myself to you, and trying to figure out how and if you can fit into my picture.

This blog is mostly for me. It's something I can read when I forget how I get in these situations. I have talked myself out of countless relationships, and overthought way too many guys, and it's not that they're not good enough for me, but that I'm scared to risk so much on something with no definite duration. This is something that I'm writing for past, present, and future males that enter my life as well. Please, understand this about me and forgive the things I do. Sound good?

Check this song out: "The Littlest Things" by Lily Allen. This is for my nostalgic and wistful side. It's always the little things that stay in your mind and make you remember why you loved someone. Damn those little things.

My Life and Experiences With The Vagina Monologues, June Cleaver, Feminism, and the Stepford Wives

I am a woman. Ergo, I have a vagina. In fact, I am quite proud of said vagina. I would much rather have a vagina than the alternative. Think about it: there are more nerve endings on the clitoris than the head of the penis. That's all that really needs to be said, in my opinion. Plain and simple, female equipment rocks.

It was this unrelenting pride for my vulva that rove me to partake in a little production called "The Vagina Monologues." It was to be performed on my college campus as part of a nationwide movement to both celebrate being a woman and support an end to violence towards women and children. What a way to show the world that I'm not a pussy, but in fact a proud owner. (Coincidentally, that's what it said on the back of our t-shirts!)

That's when I started getting slapped with a quite unsettling label: feminist. To me, this title carried weight that I was unprepared to bear. Being a feminist brought to mind images of burning bras, unshaved legs, hatred of males, and an attack on the traditional housewife. None of these ideas were things I agreed with, and they all made me uncomfortable. So, where does my feminism come in? Can being in one play make you a feminist??

Once I tell you my biggest female hero, hands down, you will drop all feminist claims you've bestowed upon me thus far. It's who I refer to and resort to when I hear that dreaded "f"-word. My idol, the ultimate woman, to whom there is no comparison: June Cleaver. Yup. That's right. The woman of all women.

To me, June Cleaver is everything and more that I could ever hope to be when I have children. She cooks, cleans, sews, and nurtures her family, all in heels, pearls, and a fetching cocktail dress. If that isn't the epitome of badass, I don't know what is. June Cleaver was Superwoman, a mother whose children didn't grow up to hate her. She was able to pull off the roles of perfect wife and mother, but without the Stepford vibe. She's someone I can appreciate and not resent for her perfection. I can only dream to be that beautiful, sophisticated, loving, and bad to the bone. Hell, she even spoke jive in the movie Airplane.

There's always been a disconnect for me when it comes to my traditional ideals and my vaginal pride. What I don't understand is why a woman can't be allowed to be proud and independent and simultaneously respect and admire a position as loving housewife. Why can't I eat my cake and have some left over for the church bake sale?

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to go totally suburban/soccer mom/Stepford wife either. Real women have flaws. Sometimes they forget to be there for their kids, or need some time for themselves. Real women do not run on Energizer batteries. They have bad hair days. I'm ready to accept this.

What I refuse to accept is that I can't be a proud, working mom, who can double as June Cleaver once the apron goes on. I'm sick of everything being so black and white in this area. If you're a working mom, you're ignoring your children, and if you're a housewife, you're being taken over by chauvinistic males. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with being able to bring home the bacon and make it into a BLT for my husband. I enjoy doing things for people. That's why I became a nanny.

So here's my request: Women, we need to stop being so hard on each other! We need to realize that we can all take on many roles, and although a working mom is a much newer idea than a stay-at-home mom, one is not better than the other. Just because being a housewife is traditional doesn't mean it's antiquated, and just because women weren't always allowed to leave the home until recently in history doesn't mean there aren't women who truly thrive in the home. Being nurturing is in our DNA. It's perfectly natural to want to be the foundation for a nuclear family. This does not make you a victim of sexism. This does not mean you can't love being a woman, thrill at sex, or have a wild side. That unpredictability could actually be rather sexy.

Going back to what I was first talking about, I'm really glad I did "The Vagina Monologues," because these issues weren't things I thought about before the performance. I never found anything wrong with a woman doing as she pleased, label-free, but because of the show, I realized there are a lot of folks out there that think differently. I'm hoping that in writing this, you'll take a look at how you view your role as a woman and how you judge the vaginas around you. Drop the labels. Spread the love.

Filming: My First Day as a Movie Star (kinda....)

Once again, I have neglected my promise to write on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, it's been about a month. However, I have some really exciting updates that I think make up for my lack of updating. I'd say that doing is better than just musing anyhow, so my writing absence is proof that I've been busy. So, off I go to write about the exciting events in my life...

First of all, I will address the title of my blog. Today, in fact, was my first ever day of filming for a short film that I will be doing this summer. In it, I will be playing the female lead, who is a girl that lives in a small time and finds the boy that she believes will get her out of her rut. Unfortunately, her solution involves stealing his car and wallet. The film seems like it's going to be really interesting, and so far I've had positive experiences on the set, so I'll be sure to provide updates with how filming is going over the summer.

Another thing I've been really busy with is a job through marketing and promotional events. I have already had two jobs, and I'll have one coming up Sunday and possibly Saturday, where I'm going to be a costumed character for a Time Warner Cable event. The jobs are really unique and the tasks vary from event to event. The pay is also pretty phenomenal, so it's been a great way for me to make a little money on the side.

I'll be starting my new blog about music for b5media some time in early July. The link is www.52bands.com. So far there isn't anything there, but there will be next month, so give it a look once it goes live. The more traffic I get, the more money I make!

Babysitting is another thing that has been good for some extra scratch. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm psychotic, however, because it's pretty sick to spend all day nannying and then get off work only to take care of more children. This being good with kids thing, it's a curse, I tell ya.

I've also had some of my writing featured in zines, including the future knifeandloud.com issue, so look for me there! My very next post on this blog will be a submission for a local zine that I've already gotten published in last month.

As you can see, things have been a little crazy in my life, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Now that things are really cooking in so many areas of my life, plan on more updates more often. My excitement will probably not be able to be contained.

Check this song out: "Start Wearing Purple" by Gogol Bordello. This song is on the Everything is Illuminated soundtrack, and the soundtrack as a whole is fantastic, but this song is so silly that it always just puts me in a great mood, so I thought I'd mention this one in particular.